I’m tired of men coming out with relationship advice for woman. Everything is the same in their writing. They tell us men will not respect a woman if she doesn’t demand respect and men will follow a woman's standards. Now I agree a woman should demand respect and a woman should set her standards, however, a man should respect a woman regardless. Since when is it okay to disrespect a woman and treat her as if she is the one who caused it? Ladies do not be blinded by this. It is another way that men are placing the responsibility on women. We are led to believe that because of our actions or the actions of other women, men are not treating us the same. Its our own fault is what they are saying. We should be reminding ourselves that women are there reason men still exist. Without us how will they reproduce or find refuge when they need it. It is because of our maternal instinct men seek comfort in our arms. We have always had the power to create.
I remember all the men my older sister dated as I was growing up. I kept asking myself, why are they so medieval and why can’t she find herself a good man? It wasn’t that she didn’t demand respect, its how she demanded it and who she was asking it from. She would raise her voice plenty of times and tossed things around. Her boyfriend at the time would roll his eyes and throw things back as well. First of all, she was not using proper techniques. Second, the boyfriend did not care about her unhappiness. At that point, why stay together right? Its because we are lead to believe people will change if we change. We cannot change a person. The person must want to change themselves so that they can evolve into something else.
As I grew older and wiser, learning from my sisters failed relationships I realized that even when she attempted to be courteous and thoughtful, her efforts seemed to go unnoticed. It was because every now and then she retracted and was loose cannon when she went unappreciated. My next observation was that the name changed, but the character remained. This made me want to seek a reason why he was like that. It made me ask questions like; does he have a good relationship with his mother? does care to make her happy? does he attempt to do the right thing? does he respect women? how does he view himself? Of all the questions I asked myself to why a man would treat a woman indifferent. I came up with two answers. The relationship between both his parents matter and how he views himself. But that wasn’t the end of my search.
I also had some failed relationships, but I was the kind that was not going to waste years of my life only to realize he doesn’t make me happy. The max dates I had were six, the max months I gave the relationship was six. Although 90 days seems reasonable for some people, I don’t see it as enough time because you haven’t gone through anything yet, the first few months are still at honeymoon stage. I want to know if the next few years of my time will be well spent. Even if you're not looking to get married at the time you should not invest your time in someone who is not worthy of your time. A relationship is an investment towards your happiness. Try to remember that when you're thinking of dating someone, he should add to your happiness, not take away.
When it came to trying to find a good man I went back to the first two answers. does he have a good relationship with his parents and how does he view himself. I recall reading some male advice before and it said, if he treats his mother like a queen then he will treat you like a princess or if he sees himself as the provider, he will be able to take care of you emotionally as well. Guess what happened, I dated men who had these qualities and it turned out to be fail. I thought to myself, well where did I go wrong? Aha! there it is, where did I go wrong? You see how I thought about that. What happened here was that I thought if I act a certain way I would get a good man. Nope, that wasn’t the case here. I always thanked them, gave them compliments and tried to please them by being a good woman; however, that wasn’t enough for them to be a good man. What was missing from my puzzle? I tried to think, I let them know what I was looking for from the beginning and set my standards. I asked them what their plans were if they had any. I showed them respect and I also tended to their needs if they felt sick. If you're asking yourself right now “did you give up the cookie?” That question is irrelevant because studies show about 80 percent of women think it reduces their chances of a relationship, where 65 percent of men just don’t care, but to ease your mind,I don’t believe in a man putting his hands on me without my permission.
I looked at all the qualities of these type of men. The question of how they viewed themselves stood out. They saw themselves as a provider, but also as an alpha. Their whole mind set was that they knew they were a good catch for most woman. Not an ounce of humbleness was shown. Phrases like, “I’m selective, I am generous, I’m good man and I treat women like queens.” Even though they are all good things to hear, they are exactly what to watch out for. A gentleman doesn't have to say he is one because he shows it through his actions. And if he sees himself larger than life, he will not see you as an equal or place you on a pedestal.
My next thought was how did they express their thoughts on women. When I would ask randomly, “what do you think about her or what do think about women that love to hit up bars.”
If they were negative about women wearing skimpy clothes or celebrated their bodies half naked gave me the idea of their views on women. Both thoughts told me that women are objectified and that they must fit a category. Either opinion doesn't respect women, here’s why. If he says “she shouldn't create that kind of attention”; its saying, you're at fault and you get what you deserve. If he said, “great, she should flash those things; Its saying I don’t care because all she is to me is a sex object.” Now you're thinking, that makes no sense because either way he responds is wrong. What he did was voice his judgment on women, when he could have said “I rather not judge her or I rather not talk about this.” Why do you think this separates him from other men? Because he chooses to respect her even if he doesn't know her by not speaking about her. After all she still a women.
I still have many more thoughts, but I found these to be important in my search for a good man. Ladies, don’t ask for a man to be gentleman because he should always be one. One very important thought is remind yourself how great you are and how much you can offer. A woman who values herself will always get respect from any man. You have to be strong and independent. What you put out in the world is what you receive. Never let someone sell you the idea that you are responsible to why men disrespect you. Men disrespect you because they disrespect women.
I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t made different decisions because I have evolved. I decided that my success in life was going to be because I want it. A man will not disrespect me ever and I will not make excuses for him. I also demand the same amount of respect I give out and I don’t place myself in situations which could lead to my destruction. In my eyes, I have evolved in a positive direction. My life lesson is always try to be a better version of you and good things will always follow.
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