A Series of Kindness; hiding behind a smile

    It was getting late and I heard the bus go past my house as I was getting up. I jumped up like a ninja and went to the bathroom to wash up. My eyes were still heavy and my belly rumbling because I skipped breakfast. I knew not to take the car because it had no insurance, but I did anyway. I got in and pulled out quickly because my exam was only a few minutes away. Last night it rained and it was still sprinkling in the morning. I was ten minutes away from school and traffic was unbelievable. As I was waiting in traffic I kept reciting vocabulary and formulas. The light turned green and I proceeded to move forward, then suddenly the person in front of me stopped. Thankfully I had given myself enough space for me to stop in time and not hit the car. I couldn't say the same thing for the person behind me. The lady smashed into my car, a 1996 Camero! I sat in the car and the only words that came out of my mouth were, "oh god, my exam! I don't have time for this." I was still in the car when the police knocked on my window. He said "pull over to the side, you're blocking the traffic." I pulled over and got off crying because I just realized a car just crashed into my Camero which I worked really hard for over the summer. My next thought was now my car was going to be taken away. I didn't have a license as well; to make the situation worse. The officer asked me to step to the side while he checked that everyone was okay. I was still crying when he got back to me, He then asked me why I was crying and was it because I got injured. I paused and looked at him, "I know I'm in trouble, I just got this car and I don't have the paperwork you need. I'm also late for my physics class and now I'm going to fail." He replied, "This wasn't your fault and I saw all those books on your passenger seat, I know you're not a bad kid. This is for the police report in that lady's insurance."  He handed me a ticket and drove off. I was standing there for a good five minutes to see if he was going to come back. I ran to the car and drove off to school almost 20 minutes late. I walked into class and showed the ticket to my instructor. He handed me a test and began his timer.
    After the exam, I was drained. I was sitting right outside of the library when my English instructor approached me. In her hand , she had a few sheets of papers that she handed me to sign. I looked at them and read "poetry contest." I looked at her with a smile and began to fill them out. For days now, she had been talking to me about submitting some of my work. I always procrastinated because I felt my work was still underdeveloped and I needed more practice. There was an excitement in completing the entry form and a scared feeling because I feared the criticism.
   I drove back home and got ready to go to work. As I was getting my things together I looked over old mail. I saw an unopened enveloped and read the return address. It was from a writer's scholarship and it said that I had been nominated to submit my final piece. I knew that the only person that would nominate me was my instructor. I jumped up a few times while reading the rest of the letter. Then I threw it my bag. I walked outside and noticed my car was gone. I couldn't believe it! I had the keys with me the whole time and then remember my sister had the spare. I dialed her cell right away and she didn't answer. I rushed to the bus stop and searched my bag for change. It couldn't belive it, I had no change left for the bus. I had bought a pastry for lunch with the idea that I'd be driving to work. I began to walk to work and called them that I'd be running late, literally! There was no bus stop for another 10 miles and I was walking briskly because I was tired of running. Then out of nowhere, a bus pulled over next to me. The bus driver asked "where are you going?" With sweat on my forehead I looked at him and responded "Work, just a few more miles ahead." "Get in," said the bus driver. "It's okay, I can't pay you. I have no money, " I responded and kept walking. He moved forward and stop again, "don't worry, get in." I smiled and ran inside saying multiple times ,"thank you soo much!"
    I was on the bus and on my way to work. I was not too late thanks to the bus drivers goodwill. I looked at my phone and checked the time. There was a text message from boyfriend, "I need to talk to you." I thought something bad had happened to him and called him right away. I must have called him three times before I got a second message, " I can't talk on the phone, lets text." I text him back, "what's wrong? are you okay?" He replied, "yes I'm okay, I've been thinking that we need to take time off." My heart sank, I didn't know how to respond to that. I called him right away, I needed to hear it from him. He sent me another text, "I'm with a few friends, I can't talk." I felt my face get hot, my fingers get cold and my heart taking a big hit. Tears began to push themselves out as I tried forcing the whimpers back inside. I then text him, "If a break is what you need, then that's what you will have, but don't expect me to wait around. I don't understand why you need it and why in this way. I deserve an explanation " I waited for a few minutes and as they kept passing by, my strength began to decay. I fell into tears and looked at the time again. Five minutes late, I ran into work and wiped my tears off. I kept working non stop and refused to take a break for the fear of what kind of reply I was going to get.
    At the end of the night I checked my phone and no messages from him. I looked up at the sky and began to walk home. I called my sister to see if she will finally answered. She answered and told me that the car was taken away. I was quiet for a few minutes, then I said, "its okay, I'll call you later." I hung up and pushed my pain back inside. I began to look at the text history and tried to find where things went wrong. He was beginning to get in patient with me because I had not moved in with him. I kept putting it off because of work. I knew that wasn't the only reason, It was something else that was bothering him but I couldn't see what.
    My eyes were puffy from the previous night. I no longer held my head up high and my heart was in pain which didn't seem to have an end. So this is what it felt to have your heart broken I thought. The tears on my cheeks had dried already. "Next guest please," said the barista. I stepped up and orders my drink and handed him my money. He was about to reach for it when he paused for a few seconds. Then waved me no.  "You're going to be okay," he said and he handed me my coffee. I looked at him and he smiled at me. I smiled back and walk away thinking, "he is right."

    I clocked into work and focused on doing the best I can. I was humming a song while I worked alone. I had to remind myself a few times "you are at work, you need to focus." My eyes were dry and irritated from all my crying. I didn't have any tears left to replace the moisture of my eyes. As I was helping client by client I forced my mouth to smile and for my eyes to not give out the sadness with in. One of the girls who currently worked with me asked me what was wrong. I answered "nothing" and smiled at her. Then when I was just heading out she gave me a card. The card said "you know you are in the presence of a strong woman when they are deeply hurting and she still says she is okay with a smile."
     For some time my roommate complained about my family always visiting and she had finally had it. When I got home she told me I had to move out because her name was on the lease. I was shocked and couldn't see her point of view at the time. I was furious at first because I was thinking of all the things I was already going through. Then I became very sad because I didn't know where to go. Who would take me in with a dog. Many times before I had trouble finding a place because they preferred someone with no pets. I was beginning to worry, I had just had a trip for my friends wedding and now I was broke. I had to pay deposit and first month rent again. I spoke to my sister and to my surprise she was also looking for a new place.
     It was the last day of the month and we still had no place. I prayed that morning and headed into work. During lunch I received a call from my mom, she had found us a place. I shouted with joy and told her where the spare key to my apartment was. She was moving all my stuff while I was at work. I smiled for real in a long time. A co-worker walked in and said "Hey, its about time. Now that's the type of smile I missed." I looked at him and asked him, "What do you mean? I always smile." He replied, "you always smile, rainy day or not, but I know when its real." I hugged him and gave him a small punch on the arm. "Get to work, ain't nobody got time for that!" and he clocked in as we both chuckled.
     Things were not easy at work either. I had a few coworkers that kept busy with gossip and doing small things to irritate me. I ignored most of it and tried to coach them in a different way. It became a challenge when the person you were trying to coach was above you. I didn't mean to step on her toes, however, from a business perspective I knew I was following guidelines and doing the right thing. That day she confronted me about it. I simple recited regulations and kept emotions out of the way until my character as a person was being attacked. I always pride myself in being courteous and fair to everyone, when I felt I was attacked as an individual I cracked. Tears rushed from my eyes as I tried to explain myself, "Its not easy maintaining a straight face, keep your cool and carry the weight of others while trying to keep yourself from drowning. Everything I've done are always with the best intentions and not to insult you, its all in the guide. If I tear now its not a sign of weakness, but a sign that above all I am still human." I looked away and concentrated on my breathing. The conclusion was not that I said anything or did anything wrong, but that they didn't like my tone. The next day I received an award from corporate for my hard work and dedication to the company, followed by a client's service complement. It was the best way to cheer me up. Someone had recognized me and wanted to let everyone in my store know it. 

   I changed the way I relayed information by doing less explaining and more bullet points. I did my best in asking less questions and did my own observations. I couldn't say the same thing about the other person, it was as if my efforts meant nothing. It hurt because I did my best to do what she asked of me, but I kept a smile on my face. I had a conversation with my boss of what I should do, her words of wisdom were "continue to do your best at work, we don't always get to choose who we work with, but we can choose if we let it affect us." With that said I kept doing what I did best, work. Weeks later she decided to quit because she was just unhappy. I wanted to wish her good luck, but I just said "that'll do piggy," just kidding, I said "you have a good day." Then I smiled at her.
   As I closed and locked the doors I was asked by some of my crew member if I'd like to grab a bite. I said yes and we all went off to the nearest restaurant. It was a little past midnight when we all decided to go home. Finally I got home really exhausted. I turned the light on to see where I was stepping because sometimes my nephew left toys on the floor. As I was putting my stuff down my nephew woke up. With sleepy eyes he said, "Tia is that you?" I answered, "yes, papi." He jumped off the bed and walked over to the table. He pulled out a plate covered with another plate on top. Then he uncovered it and grabbed a fork. It was salmon my sister made earlier. "I saved this for you, I know you didn't eat." I smiled and kissed him on the forehead, "thank you papi." I sat down and ate with him.  
   Sometimes its  difficult to focus on the good things that happen to us, specially if we are already hurting. We keep getting pushed down, but its not about about how difficult the situation may get, it's about how many times we get through it and keep moving. We tend to forget how to recognized the good things that happen to us, but if we take a second look we will find the magic in the series of kindness we receive from others. Remember to thank and appreciate those who have shown kindness because its more like you attract more good things to go your way.