miedo/ scared

no sabes que tengo miedo
con cada toque, mi cuerpo tiembla.
tus ojos me dicen no as de tener miedo
Tus besos dicen dejarte querer
tus abrazos me dicen que no te suelte.
si supieras que todo lo que quiero hacer es besarte.
Me quiero dejar ir y soltar todos mis temores.
mi cuerpo quiere dejar de temblar y quiere bailar.
todo lo que siento en mi pecho es la pasión y la felicidad.
Me gustaría decirte que estoy volando en mis pensamientos.
anclar me de la mano, porque si no me iría.
abrázame fuerte porque yo no quiero ir a ninguna parte.
bésame porque llenan mi corazón.
Y mira, estoy desnuda.
Tengo miedo, pero quiero dejarlo atrás.



you don't know I have fear
with each touch, my body trembles.
your eyes tell me do not be afraid
Your kisses say let yourself be loved
your hugs tell me not to let go.
if you only knew that all I  want to do is leap.
I want to let go and release all my fears.
my body wants to stop shaking and wants to dance.
all I feel in my chest is passion and happiness.
I would like to tell you how I am flying in my thoughts.
anchor me by the hand because if not I would go.
hold me tight because I do not want  to go anywhere.
kiss me because they fill my heart.
And look, I'm naked.
I have fear, but I want to leave it behind.

The Gardener

I was walking through this garden one more time.
The colors are intoxicating,
Their scent is enchanting,
They take many forms which capture my eyes.
There are weeds that  are obvious and
With in them are elegantly disguised weeds.
My pot has been empty for a long time.
Within the dry soil are remains of what was once a beautiful union.
This pot was given as a gift.
It was not time that was the enemy, but the lack of affection.
It was forgotten, watered when reminded,
placed in the sun when withering.
so I took back my pot to try to save the remains
beyond saving it I tried, and tried, and tried.
Now its gone and we see what it once held in memory.
I'm walking through this garden one more time and I'm scared.
Not knowing if I am going to find a flower or a weed as time goes by.
Plant and grow is what we need to remind ourselves to do.
For we are all gardeners, we just have to except it.

Would you call Love an Art?

We speak of it as if it was an object,
as if it was an action,
as if it was an expression.
It has no limits
We say we see it,
but it takes no form.
Sometimes it follows you or it runs away from you.
Love is said in many languages and its universal.
Regardless what area one comes from we know what it is.
Its sung by artists,
painted on the walls and in our hearts.
We drink from it,
inhale it
and dispose of it when it becomes hurtful.
Its not just the love for a person,
but for a passion, place, thing or idea.
It can cause so much pain.
Or it can help us
what would you call it if it took form?

No Wizard Here

I wish I could say that I know were I'm going. The roads are so similar and none of them have yellow brick roads. There's no wizard at the end which can tell us how to get to our destination. We take advice from people who have a lot to say and nothing to show for. There's also the people who just go for it and find themselves in a rut because they didn't think things through. And then there's the ones who loose their humanity in the processes of getting what they want. We are definitely not were we started, but to go back just doesn't make sense. I think that we walk through mazes and jump over obstacles to find that one thing that is missing. Some know exactly what they want and just look for clues to the right path. Maybe they have a helping hand, but their road aren't the same. The roads are constantly under construction and so its all different for the next person. But if there's something I did learn in my journey is that we cannot do it alone. No matter how much we like to say we are independent there's always someone giving us a small push. We maybe lost  at time, but we are never alone. So look around and ask. sometimes you don't have to ask, just express your thoughts, someone is bound to hear.

Life

Emerald was a young woman who recently bought a home in the valley The house had been at that location for many years. The walls were pealing and there were weeds all around the home. There was cardboard in some of the windows. The walls were wood and an off white color. She had plans to tare and rebuild the home. In the backyard she wanted to dig up a pool but a tree was in the middle. She hired a few people to clean up the weeds around her new home. When she arrived the next morning they had already arrived and begun to work. She walked inside the house and looked at it for the first time again. The floors were oak as well as the doors. The furniture was covered with dust or a sheet. The windows were really dirty, but it had hand prints from the inside. She looked at the back door to see if it was open and saw it was locked. She walked up the stairs and looked through every door until she got to the one at the end. The walls had lily flowers painted. The bed was made as if it was ready for someone to sleep in it. On the vanity table the was piggy bank facing away. Emerald picked up the piggy bank and it was heavy. She opened it and in it was gold coins. When she looked at the piggy bank from the front, the eyes were closed shut, the mouth curved down. She placed it down facing the entrance. Then she walked into the closet and saw only a bag. She was about to reach for it until her phone started to ring. It was the man in charge of the workers outside. "ma'am, the men are done and awaiting your dismissal." "Okay, I'll be down in a moment." she walked outside and the weeds were gone. The men looked like they were in a rush to get out. They had already packed the trucks and were waiting in their vehicles. Emerald wrote the man a check and they left. The next morning when she arrived at the house with her stuff, the weeds were back. She called the man to come back and finish the job. He said "Ma'am, that job was finished when you paid us yesterday. If you want us to go back again it is another fee." Emerald hung up and got off the car with her luggage. She settled in the guest room downstairs. She was getting ready to sleep when she heard coins falling on the floor. She walked up stairs to the last room. She turned the light on and looked for the piggy bank. The piggy bank was facing away again. Emerald gasp a little and looked around the room. The bed looked like someone had slept inside of it. She looked in the closet and the bag was gone. She was about to step outside, but thought to herself, what if they took the coins? She picked up the piggy bank and the coins didn't seem to have been removed. when she looked at the front of the piggy bank it was the same expression; until suddenly its eyes opened and started to squeal. Emerald ran to her room and locked herself inside. The next morning she woke up and got up really fast. She ran up the stairs and into the room at the end. The bed was made again, the bag was in the closet and the piggy was as she had left it last night. She reasoned with herself and thought maybe it was just a weird dream. She walk outside to get started on the weeds herself, but to her surprised they were gone again. She walked to her bedroom and traced her steps again. She shook her head and rubbed it.
 It was a week later and she was making phone calls in the kitchen to find out the best solution for having a new home. Then she heard the water running in the guest bathroom and someone crying. There was a faint sound of man saying "quite, I said quite, do what I tell you and I'll give you a coin (crying continued), I said quite!" Emerald grabbed a pan and walked to the bathroom. She opened to door slowly and raised her hand with the pan. Nothing, the water was not running and there was no one inside. "hello, are you still there? Emerald, are you okay?" said the lady on the phone. "yes, I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me." Few nights after, she heard the door handle of her room jiggle. She woke up and looked for her phone. She heard a man say, "come on let me in, I know your hiding in there." The door jiggled harder."Listen, if you say something no one is going to believe you. You have to let me in." Emerald called the police and waited in her room. Once they got there she jumped out the window and ran outside to meet them. She told them what had happened. They searched everything and found no one. "The doors don't look forced. We checked for hand prints on the door and didn't find anything" said the policeman. Emerald raised her eyes, then quickly thought about he windows. She tugged the man and ran to were she saw hand prints on the window. The prints were  still there and so the police took the evidence. The next day, she called to see if they have found records of the hand print owner. The detective in charge of the case answered and asked her to come into the office. When she arrived the man had pictures of a little girl and a man.  The detective began,
 "I looked for the prints in our system and found nothing. Then I looked through the books and files that we have of that residence. I found a case gone cold. You see, we had no idea of the whereabouts of lily and her step father. I believe she may still be alive and tried to get back into their old home. It make sense, no force entry if they have the key."
 "that's impossible, I had the locks changed the day before my arrival."
"where?"
"some place I saw in town."
"can you identify the place."
"yes."
"in the mean time I would suggest you have someone else to spend the night in your home too."
Emerald called a few friends to see who would be able to spend time away from work and with her. She was in the middle of calling her mother back when she remembered the men who cleaned her garden. She called the service and ask where the manager was working. Then drove to the location. He was sitting in his truck with two others that she recognized. She walked up to him and asked "did your men ever leave your sight?" The manager had his mouth opened and his face went from a smile to a frown. "I don't understand what your talking about."
"I asked, did your men ever leave your sight the day you were working on my yard?"
"no, we all worked on the yard until they wind started to blow and then... and then I called you."
The manager walked away as he finished. Emerald looked at the rest of the men, they both looked down eating their sandwiches. "please tell be, why did he hesitate to tell me he what happened after the wind blew... I plead with you, someone broke into my house." The two guys looked at each other and then one nodded. "We were working on the yard like any other yard. first we start on the outside and then work our way inside were we meet each other. Only you have a tree in the middle. When we got to the middle that's when the wind started to blow and we kept working. Then we heard crying, it was coming from the tree. There's this whole in the middle, we all looked inside and it was a mans face. Then it yelled "get out." We picked up and left. Emerald took a big breather and thanked them. She walked away thinking through everything weird that has happened in the house. She got home and ran up the stairs and into to the last room. She looked in the closet and opened the bag finally. Inside was an envelop, seeds and a parchment. She opened the envelop and began to read the letter inside.


  Dear mommy,

I met this strange lady at the fair. She told me of my sadness and promised me she can help me find happiness. She gave me a paper thing to read before bed. Before the man drops off his gold in the bank. She told me read and make sure he sees you outside. Then run away only after he steps into the middle. She told me in case I don't get away I should write you a letter to help you bring me back. Sprinkle the seeds around the center of the garden. Read the paper thing and reach for my hand before the hole closes. I hope I got away, if not I hope to see you soon. I love you mommy and I hope your not mad at me. He was a bad man.

love,
     lily

Emerald grabbed the bag and went to the backyard. The sun was setting already and she began to sprinkle the seeds around the tree. She finished and stood in front of the whole. The parchment was in her hand while looked back and forth from the tree to the parchment. Then she said "what am I doing? I don't really believe this do I?" Then she looked down at the ground and saw that the seeds were now lily flowers. She began to read from the parchment and light from the lily flowers brightened the tree. The whole began to open and a bark shaped like a hand started to stick out. Emerald grabbed it an pulled. As she pulled, the shape of a woman began to form. Finally the girl was completely out and she stepped on  a few lily flowers which broke the circle. Where the whole was, only a lily flower stood inside of the center. Emerald helped the girl inside and gave her clothes. She sat across her and said," I'm going to have to take you to talk to a few people."
"They won't believe us. I know because you almost doubted me."
"you saw me?"
"yes"
"how?"
"The banker and I were trapped together in this house"
"did he hurt you?"
"no, we could only replay our last day we spent here."
"what will happen to him?"
"He will stay a tree, still and living."
"can he come back?"
"not without help."
"Well, we have to come up with a story."
"I don't know how to lie"
"what if you told them part of the truth, he took you in your sleep to a place that looked like home but it was the two of you, you don't know how to find it or where to look. you only know you got home safe."
The story seemed plausible, but the detective had no grounds to keep questioning the victim or hold her any longer.She was given a new identify for precaution. Emerald offer her to stay until she got used to her new life. Two weeks later when they both came home from lunch, the guys hired for the pool had begun digging.They ran to the backyard and as the machine started to dig out the tree another man had a saw ready to cut it down. The tree fell and the man began to cut. Both girls covered their mouths in fear of it turning back into human. The tree was still a tree and they felt a heavy weight light from the area. They hugged each other and walked away.

Help?

Ms. Sordoceguera lived in a small town were crime was common. She kept her doors locked at all times and the windows closed. In attempt to filter out all the madness in this small town she planted three different flowers; the Sweet Pea, violate and carnation. She took  care of them during the day and sometimes at night. Her husband only watched her as she caressed them while she watered each one by one. Her flowers were her pride and a symbol of her own beauty. Once the flowers started to sprout she decided she could pass on the care of them while she was away at work.
Her husband watered them very little, except for the carnation. The Carnation was his favorite. Every day after Ms. Sordoceguera left for work. Her husband took the carnation to the window with the most sunlight and watered it. He would leave the violate and sweet pea in the dark and watered them after the carnation. The days passed and the carnation grew nicely as the other two flowers struggled. One night he took the violate and sweet pea to his room. He noticed that they were beginning to bloom. The sweet pea was radiating with color and the violate was just starting to peak out. He felt a sudden blissful pleasure and humility. He touched them and examined their beauty. He opened the pedals and touched the stigma. He played with carpel of each flower. He looked at each one and felt they were only meant for him. Then he ripped out the flowers from the stem and hid them away. He realized he would have to explain himself if Ms. Sordoceguera saw her flowers. He watered them and placed them outside and out of sight. The sweet pea grew differently, her colors were dull and no sense of bliss was radiating from it. The Violate  grew even more colorful and it was because the neighbor lady was a teacher that loved flowers. The teacher would add fertilizer and water to the violate when no one was looking because it was closer to the fence. Later in time, Ms. Sordoceguera planted her flowers in the garden where the sprinklers would water them. The husband could only see from the window and saw how their beauty were admired. He looked over the window until Ms. Sordoceguera brought home a lily. It was her sister in-law's flower and she needed someone to take care of it while she was away.

Unsaid words

Your life is so perfect that you feel its okay to talk about others imperfections.
You assume to much that you fail to see the most simplest answer is the right one.
Why hold my tongue when you don't hesitate to use yours.
My heart was broken when you failed to show me your love.
Don't act oblivious to my feelings when I made it clear about who I was.
You knew and yet you still kept his secret.
I need help? you need it for believing I'm crazier than you.
Thank you for not believing in me when all I did was believe in you.
Sometimes it is better to keep  your mouth shut and just nod.
Please, I don't feel like listening to all you bullshit right now?
Fuck You!
Why do you call me weak for sharing my feelings when you can't even let anyone in.
What did I ever do to you?
I'm sorry for not telling you.
I'm sorry.
I love you.

State of Mind

I am sad, I have a heavy weight in my chest.
I am sad, my eye want to light on fire.
I am sad, my mouth wants to curse and scream.
I am sad, my spirit is conflicted.
I am sad, emotions must be kept on check.
I am sad, I cannot share my heart with everyone.
I am sad, you choose to remain blind.
I am sad, I cannot help if you don't want it.
I am glad, sadness is a state of mind.

I am happy I am free of your burdens.
I am happy my tears are from laughter.
I am happy I held my tongue and didn't get burned.
I am happy the strength of my spirit was so much more powerful.
I am happy you cannot penetrate the wall to my heart.
I am happy you left.
I am happy I choose to help myself.
I am glad happiness is my state of mind.

Misunerstood

I am partially happy, I am partially sad.
I cannot say it completely and it drives me mad.
Sometimes I feel like giving up on you and forgetting I ever cared,
But every time I think it through, I feel its not fair.
Who gave up me?!
Nor my mother,
my friends,
my family,
my boss
and me.
Impaired because I want it to be over and to be over soon.
But great things don't come to you.
You create your opportunity and expect no one to hold your hand.
I am partially happy, I am partially sad.
And though you may not understand my actions,
Someday what you learned from me will come in hand.

The Colorful Children

You see them stand out.
They have all these wonderful colors.
All these dreams.
They make you look.
Their full of joy and laughter.
What makes them so colorful you ask.

They're  invisible.
They have darkness following them.
Their day life is a nightmare.
You look but don't see what they hide.
Their tears have gone dry over night.
What makes them so colorful you ask.

They refuse to go unnoticed.
Their spirit brightens their day and those around them.
Their mind is fierce and unbreakable.
They're a master of disguised. 
They move forwards and never backwards.
What makes then so colorful you ask.

The new and old

Sometimes we need to go back to something that we thought was no longer there. We haven't done it for so long that it seems almost new. Yet we have been through that path. The beautiful lights and sounds have lead us to go a different direction. We forget how good we can be and bad we don't have to be. The old is new and it feels so right. We tend to get confused because we think that's what we want. It's just a dream. Just a dream turned into reality, turned into nightmares and then we dream again.